Ciaràn Sammon: Broke And Alone In London

Ciarán left Dublin for Australia nearly a decade ago on a famine ship. 4 years ago, having consumed all of the stereotypical potatoes he thought imaginable, he began his vocation as a standup comic. Having been banned from London City for over a decade after an unfortunate incident with Phillip Schofield outside Heaven, he is now welcome to make his triumphant return.

His comedy stylings are influenced by the inception of the internet and the vapidity that it brought in abundance. He once met Britney Spears and she said that he was, verbatim; “a cutie pie”.

As a humanitarian, he sells bootleg Ozempic to emaciated, white women in Lululemon outfits so that their dermal filler-ed lips have their desired waist to lip ratio. His incline in comedy has been comparable to the weight loss of someone on Ozempic – gradual but consistent. Get to see him before cirrhosis does.